Kong: Skull Island (2017)

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Kong’s a pretty good king. Keeps to himself, mostly. This is his home, we’re just guests. But you don’t go into someone’s house and start dropping bombs, unless you’re picking a fight. Scientists, soldiers and adventurers unite to explore a mythical, uncharted island in the Pacific Ocean. Cut off from everything they know, they venture into the domain of the mighty Kong, igniting the ultimate battle between man and nature. As their mission of discovery soon becomes one of survival, they must fight to escape from a primal world where humanity does not belong. Tom Hiddleston is Conrad, the British Special Forces op (retired!) hired by monster hunter Bill Randa (John Goodman) who’s finagled money for the expedition from a disbelieving Senator. Samuel L. Jackson is Lt. Col. Preston Packard, in charge of a special chopper squadron chomping at the bit for a final military excursion. Brie Larson is Mason Weaver (hmm…..) a photographer and anti-war activist. She’s there for the Pulitzer. This is one last op for Nam vets who ain’t too happy at ‘abandoning’ a losing war. A man who believes in monsters. A Bermuda Triangle-type of island where God didn’t get to finesse His creations. Set in 1973, ie the Vietnam era and just before the 1976 remake starring Jessica Lange and Jeff Bridges of the wonderful 1933 classic, this is a kind of gung-ho Apocalypse Now retread with extra monsters and gore. Yeah, right:  if you thought Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando) was a gorilla. And there’s more than that because Marlow is played by John C. Reilly and he’s a soldier who’s been hanging on the island for nearly 30 years waiting to be rescued and he knows that Kong is in fact their only hope in this island that is hollow at the centre – and Kong needs to win the turf war against some incredibly frightening creatures who are even worse to humans than he is! So this plugs into modern myths too – all those Japanese soldiers on Pacific islands not aware WW2 ended long ago. The character of Marlow narrates all of Joseph Conrad’s books, including Heart of Darkness, establishing the framing story. Hmm, now you’re talking. With a horrible, unlikeable cast (what is it these days? Why are actors so yucky?) and a screenplay by Dan Gilroy, Max Borenstein and Derek Connolly you might think at some point someone would have pulled the plug or cast people empathetic enough for an audience to perhaps care if they survive an encounter with a gorilla minding his own business in his own home. Nope. They had to do it. They went there. But it is saved by the built-in snark (okay, self-awareness) that is a de facto part of all action blockbusters nowadays, reflecting from early exchanges in the dialogue the knowledge that the monster is …. us.  Sometimes the enemy doesn’t exist till you’re looking for them.  There’s a very high body count and the romance is at a minimum but it looks dazzling and moves quickly – even with a little jungle stealth and camouflage. This takes no prisoners – it eats them. I blame the parents. Golly! Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts.

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

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Out of all my spawn only you carry a connection to the light. Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) and his fellow Guardians, Gamora (Zoe Saldana), Drax (Dave Bautista), Rocket (Bradley Cooper) and Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) – those charming space mercenaries from Vol. I – are hired by an alien race, the Sovereign, to protect their precious batteries from invaders. When it is discovered that Rocket has stolen the items they were sent to guard, the Sovereign dispatch their armada to search for vengeance. As the Guardians try to escape, the mystery of Peter’s parentage is revealed as he is reunited with his father, Ego (Kurt Russell) who sees in him the opportunity to take over … everything! The lesson to learn? Peter has what he needed beside him all along as Poppa reveals his true colours and an astonishing sacrifice is made following an unexpected revelation. Spectacular, diverting fun with the best use of Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain outside the BBC’s F1 coverage but at least five endings too many setting up numerous storylines for the inevitable sequels. Nice cameos from David Hasselhoff and Sylvester Stallone however. Written and directed by James Gunn.

The Guns of Navarone (1961)

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A friend of mine is under the weather at the moment so I prescribed holiday viewing:  The Great Escape and its fraternal twin, this, one of the best men on a mission action adventures to come out of WW2. It’s 1943.  An Allied commando team is deployed to destroy huge German guns on the Greek island of Navarone in order to rescue troops trapped on Kheros. They’re led by British Major Franklin (Anthony Quayle) and include the American Mallory (Gregory Peck), Greek resistance fighter Stavros (Anthony Quinn) and reluctant Brit explosives expert Miller (David Niven). Facing impossible odds, the men battle stormy seas and daunting cliffs. When Franklin is injured, Mallory takes command, and the infighting begins. They have to impersonate Nazi officers and work with local resistance fighters Irene Papas and Gia Scala. There is a spy  in the camp – but who can it be? There’s interrogation and explosives and betrayal and all kinds of good stuff. This is sublime fun and contains probably my favourite movie line of all, from the inimitable Niven:  Heil everybody! Adapted from Alastair MacLean’s novel by blacklisted screenwriter and producer Carl Foreman (who made a lot of changes to the material) and directed by J. Lee Thompson (taking over from Alexander Mackendrick one week before production – that old saw, ‘creative differences.’) Narrated by James Robertson Justice and shot by the peerless Oswald Morris with a majestic soundtrack by Dimitri Tiomkin. Definitely taking this to the desert island. Or even a Greek one.

Mean Girls (2004)

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Rosalind Wiseman’s 2002 book Queen Bees & Wannabes is a serious-minded guide for parents about how to help their teenage daughters through the maze of high school, cliques and arbitrary social rules. Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey (wonder what happened to her?!) took it and turned it into a smart comedy screenplay, directed by Mark Waters. Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) has been home-schooled in Africa (yes, it’s that specific…) and when her parents move back Stateside is sent to high school in suburban Illinois where she is ridiculed by the Plastics, a self-appointed girl clique who rule the school. Befriended by two social exiles, she infiltrates the group but makes the mistake of falling for the ex of Queen Bee Regina (Rachel McAdams). Maths teacher Fey tries to keep everyone civilised but when Regina figures out what’s happening and her Burn Book goes public the school goes full tilt jungle madness. Fey probably took inspiration from the lists of recommended films at the back of Wiseman’s book – which also has a list called It’s Not Just Her Generation:  maybe when you visit someone who’s not dead and they have a lot of flowers in their house you’ll now know why (they’re the person everyone’s most scared of… That explains a LOT.)  This is genuinely good fun – for everyone. And you know what? Regina’s right – ‘fetch’ is not a cool word. What a shame that out of all the terrific performers here it should be the wonderfully gifted Lohan whose career is in the doldrums.

It Came From Beneath the Sea (1955)

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One of those creature feature titles you think will be far more exciting than they prove to be. However on the day that I finally saw The Hateful Eight it was interesting to see Daisy Domergue’s namesake, Faith, a small-featured brunette with an attractive lisp acting her ass off opposite not just a huge octopus but Kenneth Tobey, the older guy in my beloved Whirlybirds (Craig Hill died and I wrote about him before). The film was produced as a vehicle for the effects of Ray Harryhausen and it was developed from a script by George Worthing Yates and directed by Robert Gordon, capitalising on nuclear fears when Tobey’s sub detects a massive sonar return and life beneath the ocean wave is disturbed. Domergue and Donald Curtis are the marine biologists called in to inspect the area. The fishermen who report a giant sea creature are sent to psychiatrists but a giant suction cup print on a beach forces re-evaluation and watch out San Francisco!… Serious-minded monster movie with great underwater scenes that would have been fabulous in colour! Released in a double feature with Creature With the Atom Brain. Wow.